Who The Fuck is Adam?

Yes keeping in on the Pokemon theme, a A Wild Level 8 Confused & Infuriated Ryan Appeared, this time, from the toliets at the Derbion Shopping Center in Derby, to be stopped by one of their security guards.

The following is the recollection of what happened next, and left me, thinking Who The Fuck is Adam?

This may make you laugh, however, this for me is far from a laughing matter.

Our names are important. They have history attached to them.

Some good, some not so good. Like the days when we have bad weather.

In fact, whilst I doubt it will go that far, stuff like this has the potential to become legal matters.

Though, let’s hope that I don’t need to waste my time going down that path and that with this post, and the phone calls that I’ll be making to discuss this matter after publishing this, means that I can put this nonsensical bullshit to an end and move on from this unnecessary matter.

Because this has confused and infuriated me something rotten. It has not only ruined the day that it happened, but also impacted more days than it needed. Hence this post.

So Who the Fuck is Adam???

Well, for a fucking start he’s not fucking me, is he?

I mean it could have been any of the Adam’s that I know, with most of them being really really awesome people doing awesome things, at least last time I checked.

But alas, no. It was not.

Because I am not Adam, as you very well know. (Or do you….??)

However, it was a case of Mistaken Identity on Thursday October 1st 2026 around 10:30am that the security staff at The Derbion decided to wrongly inflict on me as I walked out of the toliets.

Now, don’t get me wrong security guards have a tough job, however this instance the whole of this interaction should have not gone the way it did.

Because, whoever this Adam is, has apparently been banned from the Derbion.

How do I know?

Because, as I walked out of the toilets, which as per fucking usual I have to use more frequently than most do due to ongoing bladder issues, I was stopped by one of the Derbion Security team.

My bladder issues sees me needing to go and pee much more frequently than someone else my age may need to. I’m not talking like just a little bit more frequently, but significantly more frequently. So much so I actively avoid leaving my house because of it.

So I was quite pissed off (please forgive the toilet reference) with this interaction.

It ruined my day, then.

It has taken significantly more time in my head than it deserves, since then.

Because it should not have fucking happened!

Also quite frankly, to be told that

You’ve know you’ve been banned from here and as such you must leave the building.

Now we had a chat at this point, I folded my arms, and stood my ground whilst trying to establish WTAF was happening here. I made a single comment about how I'd spoken to someone that looked like them which was on a prior occasion some 3 yards from where we were stood, when a security guard approached me because I was sat on the floor, in a place where not only did I feel I was out of the way of people being able to accidentally trip over me, importantly I could put my back up against something, whilst casually watching the world pass me by.

Importantly, where I was sat was right outside the toilets, in case I needed to go again suddenly.

Now during the conversation that we had, the guard, who clearly wasna pleased by the fact that, to me I’d used the looks like them phrase without clarifying that to me, a security guard, a waiter, a shop assistant in a shop you don’t go to frequently, a ticket conductor or bus driver, or countless other persona’s like these, are ones that unless really needed, I actively choose to disregard the faces of these people when it is the case that I may only ever interact with them that time, or maybe once or twice before or once or twice from then.

It’s not useful information for my brain to keep a hold of.

That said, as I was being walked, trying to just the fuck out of there because I was pissed off by this interaction, & instead of causing a scene, whilst I was a good few steps ahead of the guard, he said to me

What’s your name, is it Adam?

I almost stopped there and then, and caused a scene, which would have got me banned for sure. A split-second decision to make, and one I’m sure you’d agree that I made the right one.

I wanted to, turn around dead eye looked that guard in the face, and loudly yelled Who the fuck is Adam? Cos he ain't me

Instead no, I carried on walking whilst saying to him, No my name is Ryan whilst speeding up my walking to get out of there.

Now to be fair to him, he was polite the whole time, other than being stern with me about the someone looked like you comment & did inform me of their process to be able to see the footage from their body cams and challenge the supposed ban.

Personally I hate delaying things like this that could and realistically should just be dealt with there and then but instead adding more dithering and delays by forcing us to have to come back to them at another time. That is to be brutally honest the time wasted on this is significantly much better spent elsewhere, something that I know all too well when it comes to all manner of life. However I understand that sometimes delays to things are an unfortunate requirement for certain things in life, mostly to allow the Rational side of our minds as opposed to the Emotional one that can decide to take charge when situations like this occur.

As I got to the door I wished him a good rest of the day & then carried on with the rest of my day. Which was a rare day being out of my house.

Especially in instances like this where, to be brutally honest, I typically could not give a flying fuck about interactions with people like security guards, for the most part they happen so infrequently and I genuinely hope that other than perhaps asking where is the nearest toilet or where is xyz place I hope to never have to speak to them again.

In fact life is often much better, calmer, and more enjoyable from actively avoiding these sorts of interactions.

I know I would have enjoyed the last few days much more than I have if this interaction didn’t happen & is a large part of why I stay at home & choose to just get on with the things that keep me happy, like writing code, listening to my music loud and tbh, running back and forth from the toilet so regularly that it’s a running joke with my friends about whether or not I’m using the loo or not.

I mean this is why when I go out, I have headphones, so that I don’t need to unnecessarily have interactions with people or overhear their conversations when I’m out and about and more often than not busy trying to judge if I need to change the direction I’m going in because I need to go and make use of the toilet more suddenly than I perhaps expected to. It’s also why I currently absolutely fucking hate buses , though that said I used to love them and is only because of their lack of toilets. Trains, on the other hand, as long as their toilet is working, are something I could happily live with, especially as trains tend to have awesome views along the way, as do planes. But services like the London Underground, isn’t one for me right now.

To the Derbion Security & Management Staff.

I know how difficult a job that you have is, and how needed it is for a variety of reasons.

I hope our future interactions are few and far between and more enjoyable than this one is. That is other than when I do come in to discuss this and view said footage of Whoever the fuck this Adam is so that we can put this nonsense to bed and let us move past this.

But, who is Adam?

I don’t know & hope that I never actually know.

But he is not me, that’s for sure.

Fuck Me, this took far too much of my time.

I hope not to have another story like this one to share any time in the near future, that’s for sure as I have more than enough that I both want & need to be writing about.

Chow4Now readers

Sorry to all the Adam’s out there that may read this. But I’m sure you’d have a somewhat similar reaction, maybe at a different level, than what I had to this of at least confusion to having something like this happen.